Another Hoover Maneuver

There once was a gal from Vancouver
who sucked out her twat with a Hoover
then pushed it back in
with a bottle of gin
left o'er from a previous maneuver.

Hoover

There once was a gal from Vancouver
who sucked out her twat with a Hoover,
for years of abuse
had so damaged her cooze
that anything less failed to move her.

This is solid

With a shriek, wisp’d and rotted mast to keel,
Loomed the ghost ship of Captain O’Neill.
As it neared, came about
From the gloom came a shout:
“We shall board ye, but first must congeal.”

The Stew of the Lambs

Lamb stew makes an awfully good meal.
But, left out, will lose its appeal.
but spoilage is abated
if it's refrigerated.
Just beware - it tends to congeal.

Hat Tip to Ogdred Weary

He approached her with guile and with zest,
intent on committing incest.
She, at first, was evasive.
But he was so persuasive
that finally she acquiesced.

Family

Maw ‘n’ Paw had the same folks I guess,
But ‘round here, we don’t call it incest.
I call Paw ‘Uncle Joe,”
Sometimes Maw is Aunt Flo,
But never in front of the guests.

I think therefore...

Whilst feeling existentially sensitive,
With a sigh R. Descartes waxed plain-tive:
“If I’d had but a thought,
I’d avoid being naught-
So I’ll think, then I’d be, and so hence I’d live!”

Dude!

He, in a thick cloud of incense, said "If
Mom's nose were a bit less sensitive
less time would be spent
on masking the scent
and more would be free for to tend the spliff".

A Pint With the Devil

A man-about-town in old Dublin
One dark night encountered a goblin.
"You have sinned now, you know,
"So with me you must go--"
"Yerra, sure", Pat replied--
"To the pub, man?"

(Guest authored by Peter)